‘Have a word with yourself.’

Wednesday 18 May 2026 • Written by Neil Webster

Hello, it’s my turn to offer up a therapeutic tip for dealing with mental health difficulties. Following on from Anna’s excellent advice on giving up the fight against anxious thoughts (see the previous Blog from 6th May ), I decided to offer up another observation on anxiety.

Today I’m looking at negative self-talk. How many times have you told yourself to ‘just pull yourself together’ or…

Have a word with yourself. 

Negative self-talk is like the fuel on the anxiety fire. It comes in many forms:

‘Get a grip.’ 

‘Stop being a drama queen.’ 

‘Grow a pair.’ 

‘Just get over it.’

Any of these sound familiar?

Nobody will be judging your anxiety as harshly as you are meaning you’ve had quite a few words with yourself over time. As we said before, how is that going for you?

 Ignore that advice and try…

 Thanking your brain for the anxiety.

Why?

Because your brain is genuinely trying to help you. It may be a little misguided but it’s doing the best with the tools it has. I often describe anxiety as a well-meaning relative who gives terrible advice. We’ve all got one of those, right? A parent / sibling / auntie / uncle who is trying to help but gives awful suggestions? Well, sometimes our brain does exactly the same thing. And if we look at the examples above, they all have a common theme. They all focus on ignoring or avoiding your feelings.

And there’s a very good reason for that…

The danger alert system in your brain evolved at a time when the biggest threat to humans was physical and the main tool it has for dealing with that is avoidance. If something bites or cuts or burns or stings then avoiding it is probably a good idea – and your brain will provide you with plenty of anxious thoughts to help you achieve that. 

The thing is that we now face far fewer physical threats but far more psychological ones. Sadly, however, the human brain hasn’t evolved a different danger alert system so it will carry on telling  you to avoid or ignore the situation. Your brain might be wrong but it’s trying to help so cut it some slack.

So, try not ‘having a word with yourself’ and shutting down the feeling, and instead, notice the thought, thank your brain for trying to help, then decide to not take its advice! 

Has this been useful? Get in touch at info@forrescounselling.com. We’d love to hear from you.